I haven’t updated in a while, and I feel bad. There has been a lot on my mind, but I don’t know if I can or should put it down here. 

As of last time when I wrote about exploring a new venture in potential relationships, I haven’t had any as of yet. Maybe soon, but definitely not yet. I haven’t gotten back into the dating scene because, mainly, I don’t think I would ever find someone as close as how I’ve connected to a few people recently in the past months; mainly on just having those nice talks about anything and just enjoying company. I feel like I may be coming off somewhat … attached? Not really attached, but I just enjoy talking to someone I like. Sometimes, even the silence and just looking at each other can make my heart skip. And, I’m not even sure how many girls on OKCupid are seriously looking for a relationship or not. 

I certainly am trying to detach myself just a little bit emotionally. But, with years of emotional investment in past relationships, it’s proving to be tougher than I thought. And maybe, I’m just not really that much of a sex kind of guy. I do still enjoy sex and pleasuring her, but I think what I crave is someone that can be intellectually and emotionally invested in me as much as I am into her. Even just nights where we would just cuddle and watch a movie together, and and exchange a few kisses here and there. I suppose that’s really all that I want. 

I guess that maybe emotional investment is too much to ask of someone at the moment. And maybe I just need to be patient. I just usually can’t help myself and my attraction to someone when we connect on that deep of a level. I want to detach, but I feel then that it might be unfair to just not let it flow its course. I want them to know I’m interested and connected when I truly am. It’s not like I throw myself at them. But, it’s something that’s hard to control. 

Now, all I’m really focusing on is to just go with the flow and have fun. To detach just a little, but not so much that it seems forced to interact.