What a Weekend

The slow days where you wish they would speed up. And the moments you wish that would slow down. What a weekend it was with those two mixed in.

She came and visited me as well as to hang out with the NY crew. We have done a lot this past weekend: Highline, Frisbee in Central Park, Cards Against Humanity at a friend’s place, karaoke, and of course drinking.

Our connection got a lot stronger in person. We already got along online and have a fun time Skyping and calling each other. And in person, it was just all amplified and so much more amazing. We bonded, hugged, held hands, laughed together, cuddled, kissed, and just embraced each other with all we had. It has been something I’ve been yearning for for such a long time.

And such a shame that it flew by so fast. I miss her so much already. And I wish she was still here in my arms as we hug and cuddle and kiss each other good night as we doze off in each other’s arms.

I haven’t updated in a while, and I feel bad. There has been a lot on my mind, but I don’t know if I can or should put it down here. 

As of last time when I wrote about exploring a new venture in potential relationships, I haven’t had any as of yet. Maybe soon, but definitely not yet. I haven’t gotten back into the dating scene because, mainly, I don’t think I would ever find someone as close as how I’ve connected to a few people recently in the past months; mainly on just having those nice talks about anything and just enjoying company. I feel like I may be coming off somewhat … attached? Not really attached, but I just enjoy talking to someone I like. Sometimes, even the silence and just looking at each other can make my heart skip. And, I’m not even sure how many girls on OKCupid are seriously looking for a relationship or not. 

I certainly am trying to detach myself just a little bit emotionally. But, with years of emotional investment in past relationships, it’s proving to be tougher than I thought. And maybe, I’m just not really that much of a sex kind of guy. I do still enjoy sex and pleasuring her, but I think what I crave is someone that can be intellectually and emotionally invested in me as much as I am into her. Even just nights where we would just cuddle and watch a movie together, and and exchange a few kisses here and there. I suppose that’s really all that I want. 

I guess that maybe emotional investment is too much to ask of someone at the moment. And maybe I just need to be patient. I just usually can’t help myself and my attraction to someone when we connect on that deep of a level. I want to detach, but I feel then that it might be unfair to just not let it flow its course. I want them to know I’m interested and connected when I truly am. It’s not like I throw myself at them. But, it’s something that’s hard to control. 

Now, all I’m really focusing on is to just go with the flow and have fun. To detach just a little, but not so much that it seems forced to interact.